i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
