imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
