i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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