brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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