the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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