Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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