is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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