you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
