I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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