Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
