how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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