Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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