You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
