It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
