Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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