I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
