The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
