you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
