i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
