I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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