Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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