I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
