Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
