I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
