dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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