I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
