Kiss
Puke
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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