Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.