I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.