yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions