Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?