i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.