last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
