I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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