How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
