last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
