I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
