I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I got inside last night via doggy door
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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