ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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