Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
