She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
