Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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