It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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