i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
