After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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