She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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