3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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