About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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