I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex