a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings