I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
