idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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