i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
