Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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