With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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