just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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