Dual....:-)
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
