Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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