Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
