erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
