i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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