Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
