Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
