the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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