Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
