How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize