I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
