My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
