Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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