i don't like sucking hair
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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