You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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