when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
