Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
