In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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