if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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