I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
