I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
