Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
